Stars, Lights, and Fansites
by ShadowAlchemist503
Summary: Dave Strider was a famous musician who made it big, and despite never having met him, John loathed him with all he could muster. But one day, when he's trolling around on a Dave Strider fansite, he incidentally meets Dave through a message board- without knowing it. What will happen as they form a friendship with each other without John truly knowing who he's talking to? (HS AU)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Hey! This is my first homestuck fic, so I hope you all enjoy! Also, there is some pretty strong language in this chapter, so you have been warned. Please tell me what you think of this, it would mean a lot to me :)**

Your name is John Egbert, and you're tired of this classless shit. There he is. That asshole. Smirking at you from the computer screen. His stupid sunglasses, his stupid smirk, and his annoying as hell voice. You don't even know why you're watching this. You're friend sent you a link, but you have no clue why you clicked it. It's just a video of him, singing with that weird voice of his, and playing that stupid electric guitar. You figured stupid was the only word to describe him accurately.

EctoBiologist [EB] **started pestering **tentacleTherapist [TT] -

EB: why'd you send me this

TT: I thought you'd enjoy it. Did you not?

EB: Besides his shitstain of a voice and his smug face, yeah, I enjoyed it.

TT: I'm getting an inkling you might've not enjoyed it.

EB: Nope, I love bleeding out of my ears

TT: So would you like me to send you more links to his music?

TT:  watch?v=q-OVmbDrCno

TT: I think you'll find his voice almost haunting in this one

EB: Yeah, haunting.

EB: Haunting my dreams more like

TT: Although I can definitely agree Dave Strider is completely graceless and devoid of humility, I don't understand why you loathe his songs so much?

EB: His voice is annoying and he has that stupid southern accent

TT: What do you have against southern accents if I may ask?

EB: They remind too much of walmart

EB: Aka the porcelain shitter of humanity

EB: Where I'm pretty sure he was conceived

TT: As much I'd like to indulge you in your Walmart fantasies, my mother is calling for me.

**EB: **See ya

tentacleTherapist [TT] **stopped pestering** EctoBiologist [EB] -

You frown. No, you grimace. You grimace in loathing at the sight of the annoying as fuck Dave Strider smirking on your screen. You click open a new browser tab and formulate a plan that only a genius such as you could formulate. You type in Dave Strider's fansite address, and grin a little, excited for the hell you're sure you're about to unleash.

This was sort of a favorite pass time of yours, trolling around on Dave's fansite. His fans all seemed to be tween girls or mothers well into their thirties- the type who typically enjoy Fifty Shades of Gray. Nonetheless, you found great satisfaction in angering their stupid love for Dave Strider.

When did you even begin to hate Dave? Who knows, maybe when you entered high school or something. That seemed to be what any girl your age talked about at the time. They all fawned over how he was available, had 'perfect' hair and a 'perfect' face, to match his oh so _perfect_ body and mediocre voice. So after hearing enough about this shit, you looked him up- and within seconds realized what an arrogant pile of dog shit he was. You also found out he was 6' and was from Texas, which seemed to be where he got that overdone obviously fake Southern twang. You were only slightly jealous that he was the same age as you and was about half a foot taller than you, but you'd never admit that.

Now that you were halfway through your junior year, your loathing for him grew with each passing second, possibly millisecond and has been growing ever since Freshman year. Okay that's a little dramatic, but you still hated him more than ever. The way he never smiled, only smirked, and always had those dumbass shades on just bothered you to your core. Unless he was _blind_, which he clearly wasn't, there should be no excuse to wear shades inside.

So with a crack of your knuckles, you typed in your username and password (you know, pathetic to actually have an account on this god forsaken website, but that was only way to get in), and went to the most recent message board, which was titled, 'Why do you think Dave Strider is so great?' You snort a little, and scroll down to the very bottom, glancing at the comments, and began to write your own;

_DeckedOutGhost says: Dave Strider is a limp tortoise dick that serves no purpose in society other than to be annoying as fuck and offer shade to his fans with his massive hairy asshole. He is 98% anus and 2% tortoise dick._

You post the comment with immense satisfaction, and only moments later, get a reply from some commenter named 'TheGodlyWorm'.

_TheGodlyWorm says: lol are you obssessed with his asshole are some shit? That's some fucked up shit man._

You frown, realizing now it probably sounds like you're infatuated with Dave's ass or something, which you are most certainly _not._

_DeckedOutGhost says: Wtf are you talking about? Who in their right mind would want Dave's ass anywhere near them? That's some gross shit I want no part of._

There was a ping barely seconds later.

_TheGodlyWorm says: Are you allergic to looking at damn fine asses or something? Because that's what I'm getting from this. Because Dave has one fine ass._

You groan, what the hell was this person talking about? You've never even thought about looking at Dave's ass, let alone thinking it was anywhere close to fine.

_DeckedOutGhost says: Are you allergic to actual decent people? Dave is a complete douche so my only conclusion is that you must be._

_TheGodlyWorm says: My god you're a complete fucking dumbass aren't you? He's obviously doing this whole thing to be ironic. But of course a dumbass wouldn't notice that._

You couldn't help but be somewhat offended over this person's last comment. You were positive you weren't a dumbass.

_DeckedOutGhost says: Doesn't change anything. He's still a shart. Plus why the hell does he wear those shades? There's no fucking purpose._

_TheGodlyWorm says: Are you fucking with me right now? I literally just explained it to you. He does all of this shit to be ironic. Are you really that much of a dumbfuck to not know that?_

Now you were _positive_ that you were in fact not a dumbfuck.

_DeckedOutGhost says: Who the hell would ever want to know that kind of shit about Dave Strider? He's just some dumbass 16 year old with 99% of his dick shoved into his personality._

_TheGodlyWorm says: Um according to his most popular video, about 6-7 million gives several shits about him. Also there you go thinking about what's under his pants again you fucking perv._

_DeckedOutGhost says: Since his dick is basically only .001 cm long because the rest is shoved into his personality, I assure you, I do not give any shits about what is under his pants. Yeah? Well jesus only had 12 followers and he got a ton more shit done and even had a book fucking written about him unlike Dave's shallow and useless self._

_TheGodlyWorm says: My god you sure think about his dick a lot don't you? I'm getting uncomfortable here by the sheer amount of undertone of eroticism you display through your comments._

You feel frustrated with TheGodlyWorm, his/her comments are frustrating you to no end.

_DeckedOutGhost says: You think I get a boner from his fucking .001 cm long dick? I think you're the one who gets a raging stiffy from the way you talk about him like he's some god to be revered._

_TheGodlyWorm says: Hey I mean he's pretty great, but not that great, so no, I assure you that you're the only one to get a pathetically small stiffy from him._

_DeckedOutGhost says: Are you implying that while Dave doesn't give you a pathetically small stiffy, that other things do make your pathetically small weiner rise to the occasion?_

_TheGodlyWorm says: Ew first you want to know about Dave's dick and now you want to know about mine? What kind of sick and twisted creep are you? I bet you whack off to tentacle porn. I could see you being the type to do some sick shit like that._

You growl a little. How dare he insinuate that you spend your free time doing such vile things like whack off to tentacle porn!? You may be weird but not that fucking weird.

_DeckedOutGhost says: Listen dude you brought up the whole boner thing so I'm more concerned over you fretting over my dick than me fretting over yours. Really? Tentacle porn was the first thing to come to mind? I bet it's because you secretly do it all the time- whack off to tentacle porn that is. I bet you like it really graphic too, with loads of suction cups and shit._

_TheGodlyWorm says: So we've both established we have dicks, so unless I've suddenly become a raging homo interested in dickwads I don't see why I'd fancy going anywhere near your impossibly and most likely microscopic dick. Why the hell are you talking about suction cups, I feel like throwing up. You've violated my mind, popped my mental cherry you disgusting vile piece of rectum._

You hear your dad shout that dinner, and possibly even dessert is ready, followed by a sound of something shattering in the kitchen. You groan, not remotely in the mood for his confections. You write one last comment which is;

_DeckedOutGhost says: I wouldn't be surprised if you were a raging homo, the way you seem to worship Dave's ass. Ew that is the grossest metaphor I've ever heard. Now you've popped my mental cherry for having popped your mental cherry. Also talk to me on my pesterchum; EctoBiologist. I want to convince you how much of a dick Dave Strider is._

You weren't sure why you felt the urge to give him your persterchum, but deemed it only right, considering you seriously needed to change his ghastly infatuation on Dave. With that, you turn off your computer and head out of your room, unprepared for the onslaught of confection and fatherly love that's about to be stuffed down your gullet.


	2. Chapter 2

You felt proud of yourself. For the first time since...well you couldn't remember the last time this happened, you dodged your dad's incredibly spongy Betty Crocker cake. You told him you weren't all that hungry so he set the cake aside, and you couldn't feel prouder of your coy lie. You almost felt unstoppable. If you could lie about not being hungry, then what else could you lie about? This power was almost too much.

You walk up the stairs, and head back into your room, admiring Nic Cage's beautiful face plastered on your wall. You weren't sure you'd ever get tired of him and his perfection. But your distraction was split when you heard an onslaught of pings coming from your computer, and decided to check it out. You move the mouse around so the computer would wake up, and saw the pings were coming from your pesterchum. You were surprised to see someone new messaging you; probably that guy from that Dave Strider fansite.

turntechGodhead [TG] **started pestering** EctoBiologist [EB] -

TG: Hey it's me, TheGodlyWorm

TG: From that badass Dave Strider fansite

EB: You're an idiot if you think that's badass

EB: Since you're a guy, and seems to be infatuated with Dave, I would say you're extremely homo

TG: The hell. You don't have to want his dick to see how great of a guy Dave is

TG: Why do you keep accusing me of being homo? Usually the accuser is actually the accused

EB: Stop saying that word, it doesn't sound like a word anymore.

TG: You said you'd prove why Dave is such a dumbass. So far you're doing the exact opposite of what you intended to do.

EB: First off, a) he's from texas

TG: What's so bad about texas? Texas is awesome as hell. Probably better then wherever you're from

EB: b) he never removes those dumbass shades

EB) c) I've literally never seen him smile, just smirk. Number 1 sign of a grade A douche.

TG: You're a dumbass. I already told you, he does that to be ironic

EB: d) He tries to be ironic and fails

EB: e) He seems arrogant. I mean I get it, he's 16 and pretty famous, but he's let it go way too far to his head. Someone needs to pop his ego. It's like a malignant tumor that just won't go away.

TG: Did you just compare his ego to a tumor. My grandma has a tumor and she's about to die in two days. How do you feel now you jackass

EB: Oh no I'm sorry!

TG: I don't actually have a grandma, just testing to see how much of an ass you are

EB: Think I might hate you more than Dave

TG: Lucky me. Where's my prize?

EB: You can eat my shit if you want

TG: I'll kick your ass first

EB: While you trip over my shit

TG: Sounds fair enough.

EB: What age are you?

EB: Just so I know I'm not talking to some 40 year old

TG: I'm 5

EB: Are you fucking with me

TG: What the hell do you think

TG: I'm actually 16

EB: Yeah same

EB: What country are you from?

TG: North Pole

TG: Get to talk with Santa and shit

TG: He gives me candy and toys while I'm up there

EB: Haha good to know

EB: I'm from America :B

TG: What state?

EB: Washington.

TG: Sucks for you, heard it rains a lot there. I'm from Texas.

EB: Oooh like you're mancrush Dave Strider

TG: This will be the first and last time I tell you, Dave is not my mancrush. He's just a great guy I admire a ton

EB: Sounds like a mancrush to me

EB: Here, since you told me your mancrush, I'll tell you mine

TG: Please don't

EB: It's Nic Cage

TG: You're kidding

TG: Nic Cage doesn't know how to act to save his life.

TG: If someone held a gun to his head and told him to act properly he would get killed

TG: Since he can't act to save his life

EB: Take that back you monster. Nic Cage is a god

TG: Oh yeah? Do you know he has a son, who he obviously doesn't give a singular shit about

EB: No he's very supportive of his children! Why the hell do you know he has kids if you don't like him

TG: He looks constipated in all his photos with his son. Do you honestly think he likes being around him

TG: Be completely honest, no bs

EB: Nah man, he looks happy with him

TG: You're a dumbass

EB: Creative insult, it's almost like you haven't called me that like 20 times

TG: It's because it's true. You're a total dumbass

EB: Sorry couldn't hear you, might have to say it again!

TG: That was a lame attempt at sarcasm. Don't try it again

EB: Me? Sarcastic? Never.

TG: So you sarcastic little shit, what's your name?

EB: If you MUST know...it's John.

TG: That was somehow anticlimactic

EB: What's yours?

TG: Can't tell you. If we ever meet in person I'll tell you though

EB: That's oddly suspicious. What about if we webcam?

TG: Nah, it'd be better if we met in person.

EB: You sure you're not some gay pedo?

TG: Whoa, you're right! I just checked my birth record and it said I'm 40! Not 16! Wow sure fucked up that one

EB: Okay you smartass, I was just asking a question.

TG: Nah but really, if I ever do happen to meet you in real life, then I'll tell you my name.

EB: Haha aren't you jumping ahead too much? We barely started talking like 2 hours ago and you're already saying we'll meet in person :B

TG: I'm not saying shit. I'm just saying, if it ever does happen...

EB: Um okay? Well I guess if we ever become friends it could happen!

TG: Yeah, maybe.

EB: You know this convo really spiraled out of control. What we were even talking about?

TG: We were talking about how amazing Dave Strider is

EB: Aaah, of course we were. Because I would do that

TG: Yup you would

TG: Here, he just released a new song. Listen to it.  watch?v=PgUZDQCwKGQ

EB: ...

EB: Yup, still hate him. A little less though, he seemed to actually show a little emotion in this song.

TG: See, you're going to hate him less and less until suddenly bam

TG: You're obviously homo ass is lusting after his dick

EB: Why would only my ass be gay, why not my whole body

TG: You get what I mean Johnny boy

EB: Hey well listen mystery (maybe)pedo I have to go take I shower and go to bed so I'll talk to you tomorrow.

TG: Alright, see ya.

EctoBiologist [EB] **stopped pestering** turntechGodhead [TG] -

You sit in front of your computer, and crack your knuckles. You decide whoever this person that you're talking to is a complete ass, but one you can tolerate. You have your suspicions about why he's so obsessed with Dave but you'll keep them to yourself. You stand up and grab some clothes, and walk over to the bathroom to take shower, ready to get prepared for a good nights rest.

**A/N**

**Hi! Thank you for those that reviewed, and thank you anon and OverlordMiles for you're comments! Please let me know what you think, and if this story idea makes sense at all. **


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